Bad Habits
by sonbyd451
Summary: TW: This is a story about emotional abuse and its real life consequences. Emily and Alison have been best friends for a decade but Paige enters the picture, while they're in college, and completely ruins their dynamic.
1. Voorpret

Voorpret

" _I don't really know if I can explain it. The way I felt about her far surpassed every single feeling I ever had in my life. I'd find myself getting lost in thoughts of being with her. I'd think about never leaving my house, my room….my bed. When I finally got my first taste of her lips, she was all that mattered to me."_

* * *

"What do you have planned for tonight?" asked a blonde haired girl who was standing in front of a foggy locker room mirror. She was in the process of applying liberal amounts of mascara to her lashes.

"Oh, you know just Netflix and chilling with all my many suitors!" replied a tan girl from behind an old shower curtain. "Unless you happen to have any ideas that may rival my plan, Alison!" She popped her head around the curtain and looked at the girl in front of her.

"Mmmm maybe just one!" Alison replied. She reached into her bag and removed some lip-gloss. "There's a party at that new girl's house tonight." She uncapped her gloss and began moving it slowly over her lips. "Drinks and drugs! Wanna go with me?" The tan girl didn't seem to notice her question. She was too busy staring intently at Alison's reflection. The water from her shower began slowly pooling on the bathroom floor.

"Emily?" Alison met her eyes in the mirror and Emily immediately averted her gaze.

"I'm sorry, what?" Emily turned off the shower and reached for her towels.

"Party. Tonight. Are we going?" Alison pocketed her lip-gloss, swung her bag over her shoulder and faced the shower expectantly.

"Yes, of course!" said Emily. She had wrapped a towel around her chest and was roughly drying her hair with the other. Alison smiled at her best friend and took a moment to appreciate her natural beauty. She was taller than most girls their age and years of swimming toned her body in all the right places. Her dark skin perfectly complemented her golden eyes and Emily's hair cascaded down her back like a shampoo commercial.

"You really are gorgeous." Alison said, biting her lip sheepishly. Emily and Alison had been best friends for the last ten years and college roommates for the last three. In high school, they had spent a few blissful months together but ultimately decided that they worked best as friends. Alison had too much of a wandering eye and Emily was too focused on her extracurricular activities. However, the sexual tension never faded and every so often, when they had too much tequila, they'd wake up in each other's beds.

"Careful," Emily warned, a small smiling playing on her lips. "We've been down that road before." She walked over to Alison, grabbed her by the hips and pressed her body against hers.

"You're such a fucking tease," laughed Alison, her pale skin flushing with excited embarrassment.

"Only for you," winked Emily. She opened her gym bag and began shimming a pair of skintight jeans over her thighs. "I'm excited for this party though. I've seen the new girl and she's ridiculously hot."

"She's absolutely not," replied Alison. She couldn't completely obscure the hint of jealousy in her voice.

With one last look in the mirror, Alison tossed her hair and faced Emily again. "I'll see you tonight then?"

"Yes ma'am!" Emily replied. She watched Alison exit the locker room and smiled to herself. Flirting with Alison and making her flustered always gave Emily a strange sense of pride.

* * *

"Did I mentioned that you look hot AF?" asked Emily as Alison handed her a red solo cup filled to the brim with cheap beer.

"Six times and you aren't even drunk yet," Alison laughed. "Also, never say AF to me again. You're only supposed to type that." She sat next to Emily on a beat up futon and began surveying the crowd.

"Whatever, have you talked to the new chick yet?" Emily took a massive gulp of her drink and joined Alison in scanning the room.

"I haven't but I saw her in the kitchen. She's talking to Spencer and Aria about field hockey or the yearbook or something equally riveting."

Emily laughed and spilled some beer on the floor. "Ah fuck, I can't have a party foul this early in the night! I guess I'm just going to have to venture into the kitchen and find some paper towels." Emily stood up and began making her way toward the crowd.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure that spill was accidental and not just an excuse to talk to her," called Alison.

Emily smiled but choose not to respond to Alison. Instead, she focused on weaving her way through throngs of soccer players, swarms of stoners and one particularly intense gyrating couple. She walked toward Aria and Spencer who were deep in conversation with a dark haired woman.

"Eventually, I realized that Ezra was the one tormenting us for years under the alias "A" and I kicked his ass to the curb!" Aria manically laughed and drained the glass she was holding.

"Aria was seriously so brave," said Spencer as she clumsily covered her heart with a drunken hand.

"The bravest," Emily interrupted. She stepped toward the group and pulled two of her best friends into a tight hug.

"Oh my god, Emily! HI!" said Aria steadying herself against Emily's shoulders. "I missed you so much!"

"Aria, you literally saw me three hours ago at dinner. But I, of course, miss you too," Emily added after seeing Aria's face fall.

"Emily," Spencer grabbed Emily's face and turned it painfully toward her. "Have you met this amazing human being?"

Spencer motioned toward the girl who was now casually leaning against the fridge in an obvious attempt to give Spencer, Aria and Emily some privacy. Her dark hair was cropped short and her black eyes shrouded in heavy makeup. She held a solo cup in her right hand and a cell phone in her left. Her slim fitting skinny jeans disappeared into her Doc Martin's and her button-up t-shirt hugged her body perfectly. She was the definition of sex appeal.

"I haven't," replied Emily, who was completely captivated by this girl's appearance.

"Let me introduce you," squealed Aria. She tapped the girl on the shoulder to signal they were done saying hello.

The girl lifted her head politely, found Emily's eyes and stared for a moment. Then she slid her cell phone into her back pocket, smiled broadly and took a step toward Emily. She smelled strongly of Burberry perfume and had an expensive Michael Kors watch fastened to her wrist.

"Hi," the girl extended a hand toward Emily. "I'm Paige."

 **Voorpret: (Dutch, n.): lit. 'pre-fun'; the sense of pleasurable anticipation before a looked-forward-to event.**

* * *

 **A/N: I just got out of a terrible, emotionally abuse relationship and am using this fan fiction as a form of therapy. Most of these events are based in fact and modeled after things I truly experienced with my ex girlfriend. It's been very cathartic writing the chapters and I hope you enjoy. Emily's thoughts reflect mine over the course of my last relationship. Enjoy!**


	2. Koi No Yokan

**Koi No Yokan**

" _I didn't think it was possible to be so completely enamored with another person. I always prided myself on a sort of aloof attachment. Everything was on my terms and I took great care in ensuring I never got too close. I had been through heart shattering pain before and was not interested in repeating the experience. However, I touched her and all of that changed in an instant."_

* * *

" _Hi," the girl extended a hand toward Emily. "I'm Paige."_

"Hey," Emily grasped Paige's outstretched hand and immediately noticed how soft it was. "Emily. What brings you to our lovely University?"

Paige paused for a moment and Emily, fearing she made her uncomfortable, quickly added, "I'm sorry, was that too invasive?" Emily had a habit of skipping pleasantries and going directly for personal questions. In getting to know someone, Emily felt it was more important to go deep because the surface could easily be obfuscated.

"No, no. It's fine." Paige smiled sweetly at Emily. "I was training to be a medic in the Army." She took a sip from her drink. "That career didn't end up working out. So, I started looking into becoming a doctor."

"I'm sure my mother would admire your ambition." Spencer commented, rolling the contents of her drink in a circle.

"Not to mention her patriotism," Aria interjected.

Paige didn't acknowledge Spencer and Aria. She just kept smiling, never taking her eyes off Emily's and said, "I was looking for pre-med programs and noticed that Rosewood U had a pretty good one. I applied, got accepted and here I am!" She laughed and motioned to herself. Emily seized this opportunity to subtly glance at Paige's nails. Cut short.

"That's really impressive," responded Emily truthfully. "I've always really admired people in the military and you look like a total badass, so I can definitely see it."

"Thank you," Paige laughed and took another step closer to Emily, never breaking their eye contact.

"Ever find those paper towels, Em?" A familiar voice broke Emily's concentration and she turned to find Alison standing behind her.

"Oh…uh," Emily scanned the kitchen for any sign of paper towels.

"Don't worry, I think the beer has already evaporated with how long you've been gone." Alison waved at Spencer and Aria then stepped toward Paige. "Hey, I'm Alison." Her blue and yellow sundress, blonde hair and bright blue eyes contrasted sharply with Paige's more subdued tone. "You're new, right?"

"Yeah," said Paige, her voice significantly less warm. "I'm Paige." She went to shake Alison's hand but she had already turned to face Emily. "Let's get out of here. I don't like the vibe of this party."

Paige, clearly offended, took a step back and watched Alison carefully.

"I'm ready to leave," said Aria who was barely able to stand anymore.

"Me too, Ali!" slurred Spencer. "I'll help you make sure Aria doesn't choke on her own throw up."

"Thanks, Spence!" mumbled Aria as she clung precariously to Spencer's shoulders.

"Oh my god," Alison exclaimed. "Are you down to stay up with me and watch them both?"

"Um," Emily said glancing between Paige and Alison. In all honestly, staying with Paige sounded significantly more appealing than holding Aria's hair back as she puked.

"Listen, I'm gunna shut this down relatively soon anyway," said Paige. "Head back with your friends."

"Obviously," replied Alison. She seemed frustrated by Paige's very presence.

Paige looked directly at Alison, took a step toward Emily and wrapped her into a big hug. Emily could instantly feel her entire body relax against Paige's. She had never experienced such a passionate hug before. It felt like they were old friends, meeting again after several years had passed. Paige broke away and smiled at Emily.

"It was great meeting you." She pulled her cell phone from her pocket and handed it to Emily. "Add your number. I'd like to see you again."

Alison scoffed but Emily ignored her and quickly gave Paige her contact information. "I'd like that too."

"Great," Paige smiled broadly again. "I'll see you later Spencer, Aria." She took a moment and met Alison's eyes before adding "…Alison."

* * *

"What the fuck was that weirdness between you and Paige?" asked Emily after they finished laying Aria on her side and tucking her into bed. Alison was in the middle of making hash browns for Spencer who had been demanding nothing but potatoes for the last hour.

"I just don't like her energy," said Alison with a shrug. "I had the weirdest feeling when you went into that kitchen and I just didn't like it." Alison flipped the contents of her pan and began searing the other side. "She was just so…intense with you."

"Jealous?" asked Emily as she picked off a hash brown and ate it.

"No," responded Alison but didn't lift her gaze from the stovetop. "I've heard some things about her and I just don't want you to end up getting hurt."

Emily rolled her eyes and opened the fridge. "I appreciate you looking out for me, Ali. But I'm a big girl." She removed the Brita from the fridge, grabbed a glass from the cabinet and placed it front of Spencer.

"We're all big girls and mature adults!" Spencer hiccupped and grabbed the glass before her.

Alison turned off the stove and began piling the hash browns onto a reusable plate. "I know." Alison put the plate next to Spencer's water glass and grabbed Emily by the hand. She led her into the hallway and snaked her arms around Emily's neck. "I love you, Emily. I want you to be happy and I support you talking to anyone who will make you happy. Just please be careful."

Emily responded by placing her hands on Alison's waist and said, "I promise I will. I love you for caring about me."

Emily broke their embrace, kissed Alison on the forehead and walked into the bathroom.

She turned on the sink, removed her makeup, unhooked her bra and looked at her reflection. Ever since she could remember, people always commented on her good looks but Emily never let it go to her head. But now, with her skin extra dark from a long summer in the sun and her body fit from swimming, Emily couldn't help but feel extremely confident in her own body.

She grabbed her sweats out of the hamper, laundry was never her strong suit, and began taking off her jeans.

"Oh fuck," exclaimed Emily as her phone slide out of her pocket and landed, face down, on the floor. With a grimace, she flipped her phone and sighed in relief that it wasn't cracked. She instinctively clicked the home button and noticed an unfamiliar number light up her screen.

Emily's heart began racing with anticipation as she unlocked her phone and read the message.

"Hey, it's Paige. Whatcha doing tomorrow night?"

 **"** **Koi No Yokan": (Japanese, n.) Love's Premonition**


	3. Frisson

Frisson

" _I couldn't believe how quickly I felt this all consuming infatuation. I just wanted to know every single thing about her and get lost in her indescribable beauty. I could have spent an infinity tracing the freckles on her chest. The sound of her voice alone was enough to send chills up my spine._

* * *

" _Hey, it's Paige. Whatcha doing tomorrow night?"_

After hours of consulting with Hanna, who was spending the year studying fashion in Milan, via FaceTime on different outfit and hairstyle choices, Emily sat outside "Turtle Time" in a beautiful black dress. Her long hair was pulled back in a half-up, half-down style and she was watching people file into the bar.

Late last night, after Alison was sound asleep, Paige called Emily and they talked for three hours about their childhood, favorite sports teams and everything that crossed Emily's mind. Paige told her that she left the military because of family problems and that her father wasn't okay with her being gay. Emily confessed that she was afraid of the dark and could never sleep unless there was a light on in the hallway. They had such an intense and immediate connection that Emily literally couldn't stop smiling after she hung up.

They made plans to hang out tonight and Paige specifically asked if Alison could join them.

" _I'm sorry about Ali," Emily said to Paige over the sound of Alison's light snores. "We've been best friends for ten years and she's very protective of me."_

" _I understand," responded Paige. "I really do. My best friend, Mona, is the exact same way. She'd literally kill someone if they hurt me."_

" _Can we have a do-over?" Emily suggested as she looked toward the form of her sleeping best friend._

" _Absolutely," replied Paige immediately. "Bring her to the bar tomorrow night. I'd love to see her again. I probably was being standoffish too and that's really not me."_

" _Perfect."_

"Hey, Em." Alison, who was wearing a brightly patterned mini skirt and white top, walked over to Emily and kissed her on the cheek.

"Are you ready to be nice tonight?" Emily asked arching her left eyebrow.

"Shut up." Alison rolled her eyes and jokingly punched Emily's arm. "She's almost here."

Paige had just stepped out of an Uber and was making her way toward the front of the bar. "Hey girl!" Emily called and walked forward to give her a hug. For a moment, she allowed herself to get lost in the smell of Paige's perfume and completely forgot about Alison's presence.

"Hi Paige." Alison tentatively approached the pair. "I'm sorry for being such a dick earlier. I can't control my protectiveness when it comes to Emily. It's nothing against you.

"Hey, I get it," said Paige and she gave Alison a somewhat awkward side hug. "Let me buy you a drink."

Emily fell back and watched Alison and Paige walk toward the bar. Paige was looking absolutely captivating in dark blue jeans and a pale green shirt. Tonight she was wearing thick black ray bans and, as usual, had a Michael Kors watch fastened to her wrist. Emily could smell Paige's perfume on her shirt and couldn't help smiling to herself.

Once in the bar, Paige had bought Alison a Tom Collins, Emily a Jameson and Ginger and a Bloody Mary for herself. They settled down at a table near the back of the bar and began sipping their drinks.

After an hour of chit chat, Paige was polishing off a plate of mozzarella sticks and really seemed to be enjoying Alison's company.

"So, Ali." Paige smiled, pulled her straw into her mouth and said, "Tell me a little more about a young Emily."

"What are you interested in knowing?" Alison shot a teasing glance toward Emily. "Embarrassing, funny or scandalous?"

"How about all of the above!" Paige laughed and Emily groaned loudly.

"Nothing too serious. Okay, Ali?" Emily pretended to wipe sweat from her forehead and chugged half her drink.

"Okay, okay." Alison waved a hand dismissing Emily's concern. "I have a story! After senior year prom, Emily and I drove for two hours and ended up at this beach on the Jersey Shore."

"No way!" interjected Paige. "I'm originally from the shore! Where were you guys?"

"I think Ortley Beach or something like that," said Alison struggling to remember. "Anyway, my older brother, Jason, had given us a bottle of tequila and we had a little bit too much before going to the beach. Now, I've spent a lot of time at the Jersey Shore, because my Nana used to live there, and I know the cops are pretty strict."

"Trust me, I know. I used to get stopped by bike cops all the time." Paige laughed.

"Tell me about," Alison raised her glass and clinked it with Paige's.

Maybe it was the liquor, but Emily could barely contain her excitement. Paige and Alison were getting along, she had a nice, steady buzz and she was full of fried goodness. She knew that Alison would like Paige if she just gave her a chance.

"Naturally we run into this young bike cop." Alison continued her story. "He couldn't have been older than 19. Now, we're plastered like utterly hammered and he stops us because we're stumbling all over the place."

"Oh no!" Paige's eyes lit up and she covered her mouth with her hands. "Did they call the real cops?"

"He started to," replied Emily. She buried her head in her hands and covered her ears dramatically. "I can't hear this next part."

"Our little genius over her" Alison touched Emily's shoulder "Offers to flash the friggen officer if he lets us off with a warning. No lie. But he's all like "I'm a fucking professional. That's not going to get you out of this." And he's about to use his walkie talkie to contact a patrol car."

"Oh my god," Paige looked toward Emily, clearly highly amused by the story.

"So, I grab his arm and say, 'What if we were topless and made out?' He immediately stops reaching for his belt and turns toward us. In the creepiest way ever, he nods and follows us onto the beach. We fool around for a bit and he lets us go."

"No fucking way," exclaimed Paige. "Jesus would you guys do anything to get out of trouble?"

"Well, it wasn't so bad," said Emily defensively. "We were dating at the time and I've always been sort of an exhibitionist."

"Wait," Paige froze, a mozzarella stick halfway to her mouth. "Who was dating?" She looked between Emily and Alison slowly.

"Emily and I dated for a few months at the end of senior year," explained Alison. "But shortly after prom we decided we were best as friends."

"Oh," said Paige, stiffening her posture and returning the now limp mozzarella stick to her plate. "I didn't realize you were into girls, Alison."

"Yeah, I'm probably about a 3 on the Kinsey scale." Alison didn't seem to notice the change in Paige's demeanor. "I like men, I like women. Dick. Vagina. Both. Whatever. Doesn't matter. I'm not really into distinguishing between the two." She took a sip of her drink.

"Especially not now, I feel like dancing!" Alison drained the rest of her drink, stood up and began swaying her hips.

Paige watched Alison disappear into the crowd for a few moments before turning to Emily and saying, "You know what, Em. You look so beautiful but I'm really not feeling well. I think I'm going to head out."

"What? Are you okay?" asked Emily, completely taken aback by Paige's suddenly illness. She seemed fine all night. "Is it the mozzarella sticks? Do you want me to come back with you?"

"No, I think I just need to go to bed." Paige fished a twenty out of her pocket, threw it on the table and said, "Buy you and Alison something nice, okay?"

"What?" Emily grabbed the money from the table. "Paige, I don't want this." She tried to return the cash but Paige had already gone.

 **Frisson: (French, n.): a sudden feeling of thrill, combining fear and excitement.**


	4. Hygge

Hygge

" _They say infatuation can never rival true love because it ignores another person's imperfections. They say you'll feel such an immense attraction to another that your world is completely colored by unadulterated passion. It's known as 'addictive love.'"_

* * *

" _What?" Emily grabbed the money from the table. "Paige, I don't want this." She tried to return the cash but Paige had already gone._

"Have you two lovebirds had enough alone time?" Alison asked when she returned to the table 40 minutes later. "I got the sense Paige wanted some quality time with you." Alison looked around the bar. "Is she in the bathroom or something?"

"Um no," Emily responded, her face half obscured by her empty glass. "She actually had to leave."

"Why?" Alison asked resuming her seat at the table and slinging an arm around Emily.

"She said she wasn't feeling well but I don't know." Emily stared hopelessly at the several unanswered texts she'd sent Paige in the last hour.

"What's going on, Em?" Emily could sense that Alison was bordering on an overprotective freak out and changed the subject.

"Nothing, I think I'm gunna head out though. Are you coming back with me?"

"Do you need me?" Alison asked with a look of genuine concern.

"Of course not," Emily replied. "Have fun, okay? Don't drink too much. I'll leave the hall light on."

"I love you," Alison said. She stood up, wrapped Emily in a massive hug. "Text me if you need anything okay?"

"I will. Love you too."

Emily spent the entire 15-minute walk back to her apartment deep in thought about Paige. _"Did I do something to upset her?_ " Emily wracked her brain, replaying the odd encounter over and over again. " _Did I not give her enough attention_? _" "Was I drinking too much?" "Did I eat too many mozzarella sticks?"_

"Ugh." Emily ran a hand through her hair and gripped her scalp. "Stop being crazy," she admonished herself.

Ever since she was little, Emily had a nasty habit of ruminating on even slightly uncomfortable situations. She had an intense fear of hurting other people and never wanted someone to feel unwanted. In fact, she was so worried about offending others that Emily spent the entirety of high school working at the same café. Despite wanting to quit immediately, Emily couldn't bring herself to end things and, to this day, she'll pick up shifts every time she's home on break.

Emily removed her keys from her pocket, unlocked the door and sunk onto the couch in her living room. Emily, Alison, Aria and Spencer lived in such a small apartment that the dinning room, TV room and living room all ran together. Aria's photography and Spencer's academic achievements adorned their walls while Alison's fancy furniture and Emily's throw blankets accentuated the space.

" _Spencer and Aria must be out still_ ," thought Emily as she rubbed her eyes in frustration and looked at her phone. It was 11:27 on a Saturday night. " _Could Paige really be asleep?"_

Emily threw her phone across the room, turned on the Food Network and closed her eyes. She couldn't handle just waiting for a text back. It was the most frustrating feeling in the world. So she took a deep breath, relaxed and allowed the sounds of Anne Burrell yelling to lull her to sleep.

* * *

"Morning sleeping beauty!" Emily groaned and opened her eyes to find Alison bending over her. She was holding a large glass of water and a Taylor ham, egg and cheese sandwich. "Breakfast of the hung over champions," Alison exclaimed. She sat down at the foot of Emily's bed and uncapped a box of coconut water.

Emily sat up slowly, her head pounding. She was still wearing her black dress from the night prior and had a large blue blanket draped over her.

"Is this your doing?" Emily asked, pointing at the fuzzy blanket.

"Naturally," said Alison as she pulled the blanket over her lap. "How are you? You were passed out when we got home."

"I'm okay." Emily rubbed her head. "I just don't feel that well. Oh Shit." Suddenly, Emily remembered the events from last night and started frantically looking for her phone.

"I put it on the charger, sweetheart," Alison informed her.

Emily sprung up from the couch and retrieved her phone, which was resting on the dining room table. 9:23 am and now text from Paige. Emily sighed and sat back down besides Alison.

"What's going on?" she asked. "You only throw your phone into the couch when something's bothering you."

Emily smiled and laid her head against Alison's shoulder. "I haven't heard from Paige since she left last night and I'm just starting to worry."

Alison took a bite of Emily's sandwich and chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "You know, Em," she swallowed. "You have a tendency to overthink sometimes."

"Ugh, I know." Emily lightly banged her head against Alison's shoulder.

"Why not spend the day with me? We can get your favorite potato chips, go to the park you like and take your mind off things."

"I would absolutely fucking love that," said Emily.

* * *

Two hours later, Emily and Alison were nestled under a large Oak tree and splitting a bag of Cape Cod Potato Chips.

"These are literally the best chips on earth," vocalized Emily. She was taking one chip at a time and luxuriously dropping it into her open mouth.

"What are you a Greek goddess?" Alison laughed and pegged Emily's head with a handful of chips.

"You know it!" Emily winked, rolled up the bag and leaned against the Oak's trunk. "It's so beautiful out here."

The pair made themselves at home in the middle of a national park to enjoy the last remnants of summer. The trees were just beginning to turn orange and the breeze was only slightly brisk.

"I can't wait till fall," mused Alison as she rested her head on Emily's thigh. "There's something so gorgeous about watching the leaves turn colors and fall to the ground."

Emily nodded in agreement and was instantly transported back to the falls they shared together in high school. Spencer, Aria and Hanna never loved the season as much as Emily and Alison. So they'd spent the weekends together going apple picking, carving pumpkins and, during their senior year, spend hours cuddled in the dead ends of corn mazes.

"Tell me something," Alison asked lazily, with her eyes closed and face illuminated by the late morning sun.

"Mmmmm," Emily closed her eyes too and remembered a New Yorker article she had recently read. "Did you hear about the Positive Lexicography Project?"

"I don't think so."

"Well, this guy, Tim Lomas, assembled a glossary of over 400 foreign words that describe positive traits and feelings but have no direct English translation. I've become somewhat fascinated with it lately."

"Really?" Alison squinted her eyes up toward Emily. "Give me an example."

"Hmmm okay, I'll tell you my favorite! There's a Danish term called "hygge." It basically translates to the feeling of a hot cup of tea and warm PJ pants on a snowy day."

"That's what the word means?" Alison asked, confused by Emily's explanation.

"Well, it's moreso about the embodiment of coziness that typically only comes about in winter. When you're stuck inside with loved ones and eating good food."

"I don't know," replied Alison, sighing deeply. "I'm feeling pretty cozy right now and it's like 73 degrees."

"I agree," Emily laughed. "Maybe we need our own term to describe moments like this."

"We have one," Alison asserted. "It's called Emison."

 **Hygge (Danish/Norwegian) (n.): a deep sense of place, warmth, friendship, and contentment.**


	5. Mamihlapinatapei

**Mamihlapinatapei**

" _I had never considered myself to be an addict. I would drink a bit too much sometimes, dabble in smoking weed and have sex, but never to excess. I could easily prioritize the important things in life over partying and slacking off. But my mother never warned me that pills, drinks and syringes weren't the only forms of addiction."_

* * *

" _We have one," Alison asserted. "It's called Emison."_

"How could I forget," a small smile spread across Emily's lips. Emison was the term her friends had affectionately coined for them, before they even started dating, in high school. It had become synonymous with deep affection, intense happiness and the beautiful moments of life.

A few seconds later, Emily's phone chimed and disturbed her reverie.

"Oh my god! Finally," Emily half yelled when she saw Paige's name light up her phone.

"What did she say?" Alison inquired.

" _Hey, Em!"_ Emily began reading the text aloud. _"I think I just slept for 13 hours straight. Sorry I didn't answer your messages. How are you?"_

Emily quickly responded, _"I'm doing okay. I was so worried that I had somehow upset you. How are you feeling?"_

" _Amazing. Why would you have upset me?"_

" _I'm not sure, you just left so quickly and suddenly. But maybe I'm just being paranoid. I'm glad you're feeling better!"_

" _I honestly just didn't feel well and needed sleep."_

"Okay, she seems fine," Emily sighed deeply in relief and began playing with Alison's hair. "Damn, I had myself so worried that I had done something to annoy her."

"Well, did she say why she had to run out so fast last night?" Alison yawned and leaned into Emily's hand. The wind was starting to pick up and Emily watched as it gently wafted the blonde's hair.

"Just that she wasn't feeling well."

"Do you believe her?" Alison sat up and looked meaningfully into Emily's eyes. She'd forgotten how perceptive her best friend could be and was touched by her concern.

"I think so," Emily decided. "I just think too fucking much and cause problems that aren't there. Thank god you took me out today. I would have probably ruined everything between us if it weren't for you."

"I'm the best," shrugged Alison. "And we still have the entire afternoon before us."

"Actually…" Emily was looking down at a new message on her phone. "Paige just asked me to come over."

"Oh." Alison's face fell but she quickly hid her disappointment. "Do you want to ask her to come here? It's a beautiful day. I'll text Spencer and Aria, we could have a little picnic!"

Emily looked at the message again, _"What are you doing? I think you should come over, I didn't get to see enough of you last night….I want to be alone with you."_

"I would but I think she's still not feeling that great," Emily lied. "Would you mind if I cut out a little early?" She could feel her heart pounding with nervous excitement and needed to get to Paige.

"Um," Alison straightened her shirt and collected her hair into a ponytail. "Of course not. I brought a book to read anyway in case the sun and chips knocked you out."

"Okay, awesome." Emily stood up, dusted stray strands of grass from her jeans and began walking to her car. "Thank you so much for understanding."

"Anytime," Alison waved. She was already thumbing through a beat up copy of "Great Expectations."

* * *

20 minutes, and one brief detour for breath mints later, and Emily was standing outside of Paige's apartment door. She literally couldn't recall a time where she was more nervous to see someone in her entire life. "Oh my god, calm down." Emily whispered to herself as she pulled out her phone.

Emily opened the camera app, checked her face for any embarrassing blemishes then licked her lips and ruffled her hair. She had dated several girls, both before and after Alison, and never felt such a sense of urgency with any of them.

In fact, every time she went out with Alison, Emily felt perfectly at peace. She never got weak kneed and didn't spend hours on her appearance. She felt comfortable and, to be perfectly honest, that was one of the reasons they broke up. Emily thought their relationship lacked passion and Alison didn't know how to fix that.

Finally satisfied with her appearance, Emily put her phone away and took one last minty fresh breath before knocking.

"One second!" Emily heard Paige's muffled voice call from inside the apartment.

"Hi," Emily said quietly as Paige cracked open the door, stepped back and indicated that it was okay for Emily to enter.

"Hey," Paige pulled Emily into her apartment and wrapped her in a tight hug. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too," replied Emily, getting lost in her familiar scent. "I'm really sorry about last night."

"You've absolutely nothing to apologize for," Paige assured Emily.

"Okay, if you're sure.."Emily trailed off, ignoring the odd sensation she felt in her stomach. "Who do you live with?" Emily asked, anxious to change the subject.

Unlike the apartment Emily shared with Aria, Spencer and Alison, Paige's walls were left barren and the room was almost completely void of furniture. There was a single futon in front of a large LED TV and a brand new table lined the wall nearest the kitchen. With so many people crowding the room, Emily hadn't noticed how empty it was the other night.

"I live alone actually," Paige smiled. "I've never liked having roommates."

"Really? I love having people around," commented Emily. "I really can't sleep if nobody's home."

"I like having people around too," Paige added quickly. "I just prefer a say in when they're around."

She winked and Emily laughed.

"You're so beautiful when you smile." Paige reached out, grabbed Emily's hand and held it in hers for a moment. She traced the lines on her palm and ran her fingers over Emily's wrists. "Come lay with me."

"Okay," Emily swallowed hard and couldn't stop herself from blushing.

Paige grinned and pulled Emily toward the closed door at the end of the hall. Emily felt her pulse quicken and instinctively looked toward her feet. She was standing on a heavily worn but spotlessly clean, brown carpet. There was a particularly deep impression by the door and Emily was briefly mesmerized by how many footsteps had come before her.

"Are you okay?" Paige asked, noticing Emily's preoccupation.

Emily lifted her gaze to meet Paige's and smiled shyly. "Of course."

Paige didn't reply, she just turned the handle to reveal a large room with a huge black queen sized bed. The bedroom walls, like the rest of the apartment, were completely bare and nothing but a vacuum sat in the corner of her room.

"Not into decor I see," Emily teased and stuck her tongue out at Paige.

"It's just not my thing." She laughed, pulled back the comforter and climbed under crimson red sheets. "Come here." Paige commanded with her arms outstretched.

Carefully, Emily climbed into bed and laid her head on Paige's shoulder.

"It's insane how comfortable and close I already feel to you," sighed Emily. She allowed her hands to roam over Paige's arms and noticed she had a tattoo on her upper left shoulder. It was a day of the dead sugar skull that was nestled in a bed of roses. Emily couldn't help tracing the thorns with her fingertips. Paige was so fucking sexy.

"I feel so close to you too," breathed Paige. "We're fucking crazy, aren't we? It's been three days."

"I don't even care." Emily buried her head in Paige's chest and breathed deeply. Her scent was intoxicating and Emily couldn't help but feel a pulse between her legs. "Tell me something I don't know about you?"

Paige stared at the ceiling for a moment before responding. "My sister died last month."

"Oh my god," Emily gasped. She didn't expect Paige to reveal something so personal with barely any trepidation. "I'm so sorry. I didn't meant to prompt you to think about that."

"It's okay," Paige continued, her eyes never leaving the ceiling. "She overdosed in the shower and I was the one who found her." Paige blinked.

Emily stared intently at Paige's eyes and could sense the detachment Paige felt. She immediately tightened her grip on the brunnette.

"It had been three days. My dad was worried she'd gone on a bender, so he sent me to talk to her. I was the only one who could reach her."

"Holy shit, Paige." Emily couldn't think of anything else to say. There were no words that could adequately express her sympathy.

"Yeah." Paige sighed. "I'm honestly worried that I haven't processed it and I'm going to face a really deep depression."

"If you do then I'll be here for you every single step of the way," Emily promised.

"Your turn," Paige said flatly. "I know that you're not one for small talk. So this should be right up your alley."

Emily forced an uncomfortable laugh and shifted her weight away from Paige. She propped her body on her left elbow and asked, "Do you really want me to tell you something?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Emily took a breath to steady herself. If Paige could be that candid then she was going to be brave as well. "Only Alison knows this about me, but I was molested a few years ago at a party."

"Are you fucking serious?" Emily could see Paige's face flush with anger.

"I wasn't even drunk. I fell asleep on the floor, surrounded by people, but I woke up with some random guy's fingers inside of me." Emily bit her lower lip and could feel her anxiety rising. "He was wasted and strung out on painkillers. He kept groping me and whispering, 'I'm gunna fuck you till you scream' in my ear."

"I wish I could kill him." Paige responded, her fists clenched at her side.

"The fucked up part though, I could have called for help. But it was his house and his party filled with his friends. I was so afraid of embarrassing him or making it worse somehow that I had to keep kissing him until he fell asleep. The next morning I heard him make a joke to his friend about how desperate he was to fuck me. He's the reason I can't sleep alone."

"Emily," Paige tugged on Emily's arm and she fell softly back onto the bed. "I will never let anyone hurt you."

"You've known me three days. How can you possibly make that promise?" Emily's hands began shaking from the memory of that night.

"I swear to God." Paige turned so she was perpendicular with Emily and looked deeply into her eyes. "I would never let that happen."

Emily knew that it was too fast, she knew that she shouldn't feel this way for Paige. But she couldn't control the butterflies that were running rampant in her veins or the pulsing that was increasing between her legs.

Paige leaned her head against Emily's forehead and pressed herself against Emily's shaking body; as if the pressure would somehow erase her past. Emily's breath hitched as Paige's cold hands touched her wrists and began stroking them up and down. The methodical movement nearly made Emily scream with anticipation.

Paige's hands travelled under Emily's shirt and across her stomach. Her fingers danced along her beltline and inched slowly downward. "Please," Emily begged, as she rocked her hips against Paige's hand and spread her legs.

Paige smirked and crashed her lips against Emily's. She was gently massaging Emily's tongue with her own and slide her right hand into Emily's underwear. "Take these off," she breathed and Emily instantly obeyed. Once her legs were free, Emily pulled off her shirt and bra.

For a moment, Paige just looked at Emily as she lay on the bed, completely exposed. Then she licked her lips and lowered her head toward Emily's chest. She sucked and grabbed her nipples before slowly kissing her way down Emily's body. She reached her center, gathered her hair into a ponytail, and began kissing her inner thighs.

"I need to feel you inside me." Emily pleaded, sweat forming on her forehead.

Paige grinned and immediately spread Emily's legs as far apart as possible and began lightly kissing her clit. After a few more moments of teasing, Paige slid her finger inside of Emily and began sucking on her lips. Emily couldn't focus on anything apart from how hard Paige was fingering her. It was the deepest anyone had ever gone and she fucking loved the feeling.

Emily rocked her hips against Paige's lips and grabbed her hair with both hands. She felt the pressure mounting in her chest and the wetness of Paige's tongue against her clit. "Oh my fucking god," Emily moaned. She felt herself losing control and with one last thrust, completely surrendered herself to Paige's touch.

 **Mamihlapinatapei: (Yagán, n.): a look between people that expresses unspoken but mutual desire.**


	6. Authors Note:

**A/N: Hi guys, I've been getting a lot of questions on whether this story was an Emison or Paily fan fiction. Unfortunately, I can't really answer that because I don't want to ruin the plot haha. I think you'll be able to see in the upcoming chapters the form the story is going to start taking.**

It's important for me to mention that this story is deeply personal and is about emotional abuse. I've been using writing as a form of overcoming what I went through and this is the result. These characters parallel my own, real life experiences. It's intended to be confusing, it's intended to be unclear and it's intended to make you doubt everything.

It's going to get significantly more intense and it might not be for everyone. If you're looking for a light, fun fan fic then this isn't for you. This story is really close to my heart (because I lived through it all) and I feel the need to tell it. So, regardless of whether you ship Emison or Paily, I hope you stick around! And if you don't, I understand :)

Personally, I just really need to write this story!

Thanks!

-M.C.-


	7. Abhisar

**Abhisar**

 _All addiction requires is obsession, fixation and dependency. It's this insatiable need to engage in a specific activity and it's extremely difficult to break the habit. You become lost in a cycle of abuse because you're constantly chasing that first high. And she, well...she was my great addiction._

* * *

 _She felt herself losing control and with one last thrust, completely surrendered herself to Paige's touch._

"Damn girl," Paige smirked as she lifted her head from between Emily's legs. "It better have been good, you're bleeding." Paige lifted her hands to show a smudge of blood on her middle finger.

"Oh," Emily immediately touched herself and felt a trickle of blood from inside her. "I guess I am." She looked at her fingers and was overcome with a stream of complex emotions. Anger. Happiness. Sadness. Pride.

"Did I pop your cherry?" Paige joked and nudged Emily's arm with her own.

"It looks that way." Emily's voice felt hollow and distant. "I've had sex before but only with…" she trailed off as Paige finished " _Alison._ "

"Yeah."

Paige nodded curtly and moved toward the other side of the bed. "What are you doing?" Emily asked, still feeling oddly conflicted.

Paige had positioned her body away from Emily before asking, "Why did you have to bring up Alison immediately after having sex with me?" Her tone was completely void of any emotion.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Emily grabbed a tissue from the bedside table and wiped her hands. "I'm sorry." She moved her body against Paige's and began spooning her from behind. "Please don't be upset with me, we're just friends now."

"Are you sure?" Paige questioned, her voice barely audible.

"Yes," Emily promised her. "We're just extremely, extremely close friends but we haven't hooked up in a while."

Emily began lightly scratching Paige's head, anxious to prove that she wasn't interested in dating Alison.

"Good." Paige responded.

In one swift moment, she turned to face Emily and pressed their lips together.

* * *

As summer faded into fall, Paige and Emily fell into a comfortable routine. They would wake up in Paige's apartment, go to class and spend nearly every single moment together. Paige would accompany Emily to her swim practices and Emily would attend Paige's nightly lectures. They were spending so much time together that Alison was beginning to refer to Paige as Emily's "third leg." They simply couldn't get enough of each other and Emily would rush through her responsibilities just to spend a few more seconds with Paige.

"Babyyy," Emily sing-songed, as she rocked a half-asleep Paige in her arms.

It was a Saturday afternoon and the pair had spent the morning attempting to assemble an intricate puzzle on Paige's dining room table. They now lay snuggled on the floor, amidst several forgotten pieces.

"Mmm, hi baby." Paige yawned and rubbed the corners of her eyes. "I'm so tired."

"Oh, I'm sure," Emily laughed. "Puzzling has been known to tire out even those with the most impressive stamina." Emily winked and Paige nuzzled herself further into Emily's lap.

"What do you have planned for today?" Paige asked.

Emily shrugged. Truthfully, she had just assumed they were going to spend the day together. On Saturday's they usually did laundry, cooked an elaborate meal and indulged in a little bit too much alcohol.

"Well, aren't you supposed to meet Alison?" Paige prompted.

"What day is it?" Emily shot up and looked frantically at Paige.

"The 29th," Paige replied. Her tone unreadable.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Emily muttered as she checked her phone. Three missed calls from Ali. "I was supposed to meet her for coffee 20 minutes ago." Emily stood up and immediately leaned back down to kiss Paige goodbye. "I'm so sorry baby. Are you okay? What are you gunna do while I'm gone?"

Paige pecked Emily on the cheek, said "I'm going to take a longgggg nap" and waved lazily at Emily. "Bye babe."

* * *

"I am so sorry I'm late," Emily apologized as she slid onto the bar stool besides Alison. The cafe was crowded and Alison's large designer handbag was preventing the hungover masses from taking Emily's seat. "I'll buy you any dessert you want. Cupcakes, brownies, pies. All on me."

"It's fine," Alison motioned toward some cookie crumbs in front of her. "I already had my sugar fix."

"Oh," Emily laughed. "Well, how are you? I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks."

"You kinda haven't" replied Alison. "Honestly, I can't even remember the last time you slept in our room."

"Are you upset?" Emily asked. It was the first time in years that Emily was seeing so little of her best friend and she hated it.

"I just miss you." Alison reached for Emily's hand but was met with only the smoothness of the countertop. "I don't have a communicable disease, Emily." Alison laughed. She went to lean her head on the brunette's shoulder.

"Ali…" Emily began, lightly pushing Alison's head away. "I don't really know if we should be doing this."

"Doing what?" Alison snapped her head up and stared at Emily. "We've always acted like this."

"I know but…." Emily trailed off, trying to find the best way to phrase what she was thinking. "Paige just thinks that I'm a little too handsy with you."

"You've had a conversation about this?" Alison asked. She was no longer looking at Emily and was playing with the crumbs on the counter instead.

"We have." Emily replied, averting her own gaze and remembering her conversation with Paige the week before.

* * *

 _Emily had just arrived at Paige's house with a handful of groceries. She had intended on spoiling Paige with a tomato poached salmon, roasted vegetables and a sweet potato hash she'd seen on Top Chef. But, as soon as Emily walked into the apartment, Paige said, "I saw you and Alison holding hands in the quad today."_

" _Oh yeah?" Emily placed the groceries on the dining room table and went to kiss Paige but she turned her head away. "Baby, I didn't see you," Emily attempted to assure her._

" _That's obvious." Paige turned her back to Emily and sat down on the futon._

 _Emily left the groceries on the table and sat down next to Paige. "What's going on?"_

" _What's going on with me?" Paige replied, her voice oddly high. "What's going on with you and Alison?"_

" _What do you mean?" Emily asked, her heart beginning to pound extremely quickly. She felt guilty and couldn't even figure out why._

" _I see you guys holding hands in the quad, sneaking off together at parties. You're literally all over each other."_

" _I...Paige.."Emily stuttered. "That's just how we've always been with each other and-."_

" _But you guys DATED," Paige cut her off. Her eyes were filled with pain..or anger. "It's completely disrespectful to me. Could you imagine if I were best friends with Jenna and we were constantly holding hands?"_

" _Well," Emily thought for a moment. Jenna was Paige's ex girlfriend of three years. She was Paige's first love, they shared a joint bank account together and have each other's lips tattooed to their stomachs. Emily found this lovely fact out when she was kissing the tattoo a few weeks ago. "I think you were more serious with Jenna."_

" _It doesn't matter." Paige stood up suddenly and leaned over Emily. "You dated, you had sex and it's not fair to me."_

 _Emily started playing with her ear, a nervous habit she inherited from her father, before grabbing Paige's hands. "I'm really sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. You're right, Alison and I are extremely close but I've been inconsiderate of your feelings."_

 _Paige's demeanor softened and she brought Emily's head to her stomach. "I've just been cheated on in the past so sometimes I get anxious." Paige started running her hands through Emily's hair._

" _I will try my hardest to be aware of your feelings from now on." Emily said, in between lightly planting kisses on Paige's stomach._ _"Please come to me when you have issues. I won't know otherwise and I don't want them to fester."_

" _I promise." Paige swore and pushed Emily's head a little farther down. Emily smirked, unbuttoned Paige's pants and began kissing lower and lower and lower…_

 _The groceries lay forgotten on the tomatoes, crushed by the weight of the other groceries, began to leak. They saturated the bottom of the bag, ruining the food within._

* * *

"What exactly did you say to Paige?" asked Alison, still looking at the crumbs in front of her.

"Um," Emily could feel her face reddening with embarrassment. "You know I love you and nothing will ever change that but...but Paige is just a little uncomfortable with how affectionate we are with each other."

Alison was now crushing the crumbs under her fingertips, making sure they were entirely flat before sweeping them into a napkin. "I can understand that."

"You can?" Emily asked, a surge of relief flooding through her body.

"Yeah, we are very close." Alison agreed. "And that would obviously be threatening to someone who doesn't understand our dynamic. Plus we have slept together somewhat recently."

"Exactly!" Emily laughed. She had been so worried about having this conversation with Alison. "I have to stop underestimating how understanding you are."

Alison smiled, "I just want you to be happy and I don't want to mess up your chances with Paige."

"Thank you so much, Ali." For the first time all day, Emily felt completely at peace. "I gotta tell Paige!"

Emily reached for her phone as Alison stood up to throw away her trash and noticed that she had 5 messages from "Baby Boo" (Paige's nickname in her phone.) Smiling broadly, Emily unlocked her screen and read the messages.

 **23 minutes ago:** "Baby"

 **21 minutes ago:** "I miss you"

 **20 minutes ago:** "Come tuck me in"

 **13 minutes ago:** "Baby, I can't keep my eyes open. I'm going to bed. I need to catch some sleep so maybe come over a bit later. Around 7? I'll dream about you O:)"

 **4 minutes:** "1 audio message"

" _Ugh,_ " Emily thought as she clicked on the audio message. _"Paige is so cute. I'll have to go to the bathroom and send her one back in a minu-"_ Emily's smile faltered. She pressed her ear against the speaker, her heart pounding in her chest, and replayed the message three times.

It was unmistakable. Emily could hear two distinct voices in the 9 second message.

 **Abhisar: (Bengali, n): lit. 'going towards'; a meeting (often secret) between lovers / partners.**


	8. Novaturient

Novaturient

 _I had always been so sure of myself. Above anything else, I could trust my instincts. I would feel it in my bones if someone was lying to me and I'd never be led astray. But with her, I began to doubt my own ability to perceive reality._

* * *

 _However, Emily's smile faltered when she heard two voices in the 9 second message._

Emily sat perfectly still, her fingers clenched so tightly around her phone that the case was beginning to come undone.

"Ew, you'd never believe who I just saw out on a date." Alison bounded over to Emily, eager to gossip but paused when she noticed the brunette's expression. "Em?" She touched a hand to Emily's shoulder.

Without speaking, Emily handed her phone to Alison. She looked down, read the messages and said, "Can I listen?"

Emily jerked her head "yes" in response.

 ** _"…have you heard about...…*giggle giggle*...Mmmmm…. she's a friend?"_**

Alison pulled her eyebrows together, looked at Emily quizzically and leaned her head further into the phone. After replaying the message three times, Alison asked, "What is this? She's with someone right now?"

"She told me she was sleeping." Emily's voice sounded weak. Her heart was pounding so fast that she was beginning to feel light headed.

"Well..." Alison cocked her head, searching for an explanation. "Maybe she was on the phone and hit record by accident?"

"Can an iPhone even do that?" Emily grabbed her phone back from Alison and instantly dialed Spencer's number. Hope filling her chest. _Maybe. Just maybe._

"Hi Em-"

"Spence. I need to check something," Emily interrupted, a note of hysteria in her tone. "Please try and voice record while we're on the phone."

"Um," Spencer mumbled. "Okay."

Emily closed her eyes, ignoring how hard her heart was thumping against her ribs, praying that she was mistaken. Praying that for once in her life, her instincts had failed her.

"Emily?" Spencer's voice filled her ear once more. "You can't."

Emily lowered the phone, without bothering to say goodbye, and could feel tears welling in her eyes. "She told me she was sleeping but she's actually with someone else right now." Emily felt like all of her energy had been sucked through her fingertips and into the phone. "How could she?"

"Fuck Paige," Alison whispered and pulled Emily into her arms. They remained locked in that embrace for a few moments before Alison asked, "What are you going to do?"

"Confront her." Emily was no longer crying. Her face was set and she felt a strong sense of resolve. "No one's going to fucking treat me like this."

* * *

After spending another 30 minutes making absolutely sure that it was impossible to send audio messages while on the phone, Emily knocked forcefully on Paige's door.

"Hey baby," Paige smiled sweetly and leaned forward to kiss Emily but the brunette brushed passed her.

"We need to talk," Emily asserted, her eyes flashing with barely suppressed anger.

"Okay." Paige closed the door to her apartment and motioned for Emily to sit on the futon.

"No." She crossed her arms. There was no need for pretense anymore. "Who was here this afternoon?"

An unreadable emotion crossed Paige's face. "What are you talking about?"

Emily opened her phone, shoved it into Paige's hands and played the voice recording. "I'm talking about the fucking audio message you left me."

Paige looked at the message, chewed her lip for a moment and tossed the phone back to Emily. "Oops," she laughed, apparently not comprehending the gravity of this moment. "I didn't know I sent that!"

"If you were here, alone...how did this happen?" Emily asked.

"I was obviously on the phone, babe." Paige replied. "I must have hit the record button by accident." She grabbed Emily's wrists. "Come here, let me make you dinner."

"Paige, it's impossible to send an audio message while you're on the phone." Emily wrenched her wrists from Paige's grasps. "I fucking checked."

"I don't know what to tell you." Paige waved her hand dismissively, "It happened."

"I don't believe you."

Paige, who had been making her way toward the kitchen, stopped dead. "Are you saying you don't trust me?" Her oddly calm voice instantly weakened Emily's resolve. Her body began to feel like it was tightrope walking over Manhattan.

"I'm saying it's impossible to do what you said." Emily swallowed hard, remembering the multiple articles she had read on IOS operating systems.

"I don't know how, Emily." Paige stepped closer to the brunette. "But I'm telling you that's what happened."

"It's IMPOSSIBLE, Paige!" Emily was half screaming at this point, unable to control her frustration. " _How the hell can someone argue with an indisputable fact?!,"_ thought Emily.

"Listen, either you believe me or you don't." Paige turned her back on Emily and began walking to the kitchen once more. "The door's behind you."

Emily could feel adrenaline racing through her veins but she didn't back down. "I don't care if someone was here, please just don't lie to me."

"No one was here." Paige took a large bag of frozen meat from the freezer. "I was on the phone." She opened the fridge, removed a red onion and head of garlic.

"How can you just so overtly lie to me!?" Emily's legs had become so weak that she had taken a seat at the dining room table. She was absentmindedly watching Paige riffle in the fridge for more ingredients.

"I swear to God I was on the phone, Emily." Paige slammed the refrigerator door shut and whipped around to face Emily, a chef's knife dangling from her hand.

Emily's heart skipped and her chest began aching. "There's an easy way to prove that." She eyed Paige's phone that was charging on the table. "Show me your call log."

"How dare you." Paige dropped the knife onto a cutting board and leaned toward Emily. "If you don't trust me then I want nothing to do with you. I am telling you what happened, I wouldn't question you."

"I do trust you... but how do I explain what happened today?" Emily began subconsciously rubbing her chest in an attempt to ease the tension she felt. Her throat was stinging with emotion and she was struggling to smother a sob.

"You're being so controlling." Paige screamed. "I won't date someone who doesn't trust me. Get out of my house." Without another word, Paige walked out of the kitchen, through the hall and slammed her bedroom door.

Emily stared at the onion, abandoned on the counter, and began crying so intensely that she slid herself onto the floor.

* * *

" _I know she's lying but I can't lose her." "Can I be with someone who lies?" "Maybe she got_ _caught in a lie and couldn't admit it." "Should you stop being with someone just because of a single lie?" "What about second chances?"_ A dozen thoughts kept chasing each other around Emily's head as she lay, completely still on Paige's floor. Tears were still falling silently down her face and she simply couldn't summon the energy to stand.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps in the hall and raised her head to see Paige round the corner. She had changed in black sweatpants and her expression was different now, softer. She approached Emily slowly, crouched by her head and began smoothing our her hair. She took Emily's face in her hands and gently wiped away her tears.

"I love you," Paige whispered. She softly kissed Emily's forehead and cradled her in her arms. "I'm right here. I'm right here. I'm so sorry."

 **Novaturient (Latin, adj.): desiring or seeking strong changes in one's behavior or situation.**

* * *

 **(A/N: Go easy on me. This chapter isn't as developed/flushed out as my other ones but I was feeling particularly inspired after talking to my ex. I wanted the quick dialogue to capture an erratic sense of urgency.** **Emily's weakness is my own because these events actually happened in my life.)**


End file.
